In life, we will endure some hard times. Sometimes these moments are set in motion by external influences, sometimes they are within ourselves.
A personal crisis is something we dread; we try to avoid these and try to be in control over everything in life. Sometimes we already worry about the ‘what ifs’, before it happens. And you have probably heard me say this a few times in the past, but worrying is fantasizing the wrong way.
Never waste a good crisis is all about acknowledging what the crisis is trying to tell you and finding which wisdom you can extract from it. A crisis is often a solution for something that is not going well in life. Think about burnout, a relationship crisis, or a financial crisis.
The crisis itself is not the problem, okay, it might be very uncomfortable and very much seem like the problem. But try to think just before the climax of the crisis. They never “just appear”. There’s always something underneath the surface that makes such a life event erupt.
Burnout is not about you not being able to handle it, it’s about you trying to handle it for way too long.
A relationship crisis is not about suddenly getting the shits with each other because your partner didn’t listen to you again. It’s about the (non) communication in your relationship. The discrepancy between each other’s needs and expectations results in a lack of understanding.
A Financial crisis is not about money. It can be about work, your spending, dissatisfaction, communication and organisation.
"A crisis is all about finding things that matter to you"
My clients often say they want everything back just the way it was. I don’t have all the answers for my clients, but I do have this one. No, you don’t! You don’t want it to be the same as how it was. Because the situation you are longing to get back to, got you into your personal crisis in the first place!
But these clients are certainly right about something. Maybe you shouldn’t go back to just before the crisis. Maybe you have to go back even further.
When I see people battling through a crisis, they trying to save whatever is left. This is completely normal. One of human’s biggest fear is the fear of losing things, people, or themselves.
But I think a crisis is all about finding. Finding yourself, finding what really matters to you in life and finding your (mental) health. For most people, that’s a challenge, especially in hard times. A little trick that can help you is to think back on a period in your life when you were very happy and content. What were you doing? Who was around you? What did you do in your spare time?
Sometimes life has its way with us and we can’t do the things anymore that made us happy in the past. People that made us happy or made us feel loved are not around anymore. Then you can ask yourself…what did these people or moments represent and how can I try to get these things back in my life?
The good news is that you don’t have to wait till a crisis arises. You can start by sitting down for a few minutes and thinking about these questions. Just check in with yourself and feel which parts of your life light you up and which one’s drain your energy.
And whenever a crisis appears, know this crisis is a solution in disguise.